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How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you ?

Do you have sometimes the feeling that your cat has a secret plan? To quote Joseph Heller from his Book Catch-22 “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t after you.”

Here are the signs:

  • Kneading on you
    You may think this is a sign of effection, but your cat is actually checking your internal organs for weaknesses
  • Excessive shoveling of kitty litter
    After using the litter box, your cat needlessly kicks litter around, most of it ending up all over the room – this is practice for burying bodies.
  • Staring Contests
    If you get caught in a staring contest with your cat, do not look away. Looking away will signal to your cat that you are weak, and an attack is likely to follow
  • Bringing you dead animals
    This isn’t a gift. It’s a warning.
  • Throwing up grass
    Through this painful feeding and purging process, cats prepare their minds and bodies for combat.
  • Hiding in dark places and watching you
    Your cat will often hide in order to study you in your natural habitat.
  • Sleeping on your electronics
    Humans have superiour technology. Your cat knows this and will attempt to disrupt all communications to the outside world.
  • Pawing at your face while you sleep
    Cats aren’t very good at smothering people, but this wan’t top them from trying.
  • Sprinting at light speed out of any room you enter
    When your cat does this, it’s actually a failed ambush.

Something special to look out for:

When your cat asks you to book a Pet Sitter instead of staying at Marys CatVilla, the only reason is so that it is easier to escape after the crime.

When you would like to learn more, we recommend the book “How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you” from Oatmeal. You can find more information about the book here and can order it from MightyApe or Amazon.